From Marriage To Divorce - An Emotional Journey part 1

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Devastation. That’s a word that I didn’t use enough when my marriage ended. I spoke with someone last week who almost felt guilty for using the word about her husband leaving her. She said that she felt it was ‘a bit dramatic’!

DIVORCE IS DEVASTATING. It’s life changing – whether you want it to be or not.

Whether its your decision or not. Vows are vows and with those vows come dreams and ideas of what the future will look like and when the words separation start coming up in conversation whether you like it or not the landscape ahead of you is changing.

Helpless, Hopeless and in Despair. These are some of the emotions that swim around your head, first thing in the morning and last thing at night. For some in the divorce process they experience all of those feelings and more. For others just a couple. Whichever way you feel it’s tough.

Divorce is the grief without a physical death. It’s the loss of something that was once precious and cherished and exclusive to you and that other person. You grieve for what could have been and has been.

You grieve for the family that hasn’t happened the way we read about it in the fairy stories and the way we drew it in our minds as we sat blissed out with what we felt was our ‘other half’. At the time all this emotion feels overwhelming and that’s when we need to take time, surround ourselves with love from the people around us and start to look inwards.

If you take hold of the devastation, grab on HARD to the pain there is a way forward. A way forward from the bitterness and the feelings of being stuck. The most important thing to remember is who you are in the storm of emotion that is whirling around you.

You can only do that by taking charge of what is happening. Listen to your mind and your body. Don’t run before you can walk. Baby steps into your new world is what’s needed and in time you can and you will carve out the most beautiful life.

Written by Rebecca Spittles, Relationship and Divorce Coach www.rebeccaspittles.com

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Kate Daly is co-founder of amicable and host of the The Divorce Podcast. Kate created The Divorce Podcast to discuss and demystify divorce, separation and co-parenting in the UK. In each episode, Kate is joined by experts in their field to explore divorce and separation from every angle.