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The first year of your divorce may leave you facing many painful celebration days alone. And while you perhaps never bothered much with valentine’s day when you were married, ‘special’ days will invoke feelings of failure, sadness and post-divorce regret.

So how do you get through days like this?

You could stay indoors feeling sorry for yourself or you could indulge in your own celebration to mark your freedom or new status. You do not need a partner to celebrate any day of the year or purchase gifts for you.

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Here are my top 4 tips for getting through it.

One

Be extravagant and treat yourself to some fizz, your favourite flowers, a new pair of shoes, or book a spa day with a friend and really celebrate the amazing person you are. We don’t have to be with a romantic partner to enjoy ourselves or feel love, we can be with anyone we care about.

The first Valentine’s I spent separated was spent with my kids and we cooked together and exchanged gifts and it was one I will never forget. Celebrate the love you already have in your life.

Two

They say laughter is the best medicine. It relaxes the body and triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s feel good chemicals, so get together with friends (making sure no one talks about the situation) and have some fun. Whether it’s a lunch or dinner, a fun movie, or a few drinks out, get together with friends and enjoy yourself.

Three

Invite your friends over for a cocktail party. Cocktail making is great fun, especially with friends. Buy in some food or ask everyone to bring a dish. Put together a happy playlist and dance, laugh and celebrate together.

Four

If you are not feeling up to company it can be an absolute joy to have the evening to yourself. If you have kids you will understand this. Take a bath and light a nice candle, order some food in and binge watch your favourite TV shows.

Grab a journal and free write about your future, really dreaming about who you want to be, who you want in your life and how your life will look overall. In your journal add a gratitude list of all that you have now.

Gratitude lists are strongly associated with greater happiness reminding us that we still have a lot to live for. Make it all about you. Whatever you choose to do, redirect your focus and really treat yourself without feeling any guilt. 

You have been through a traumatic time and while it is important to acknowledge that, for today try not to think about what you are going through. Remind yourself this is a temporary situation and you will heal your heart and go on to live an amazing life.

Whether it’s Valentine’s Day, Christmas, or your birthday, celebrate the life you have and the people who care about you. Choose to do what makes you happy.

Written by Debbie Rose, Break up and Divorce coach. www.coachingbydebbie.com