My work is all about relationship - our relationship to self, being in relationship with our partner, and our relations with others.
Working in South Kensington and in East Sussex, I support individuals and couples to better understand emotions and behaviour, to work through difficult issues and to build more resilient, healthier, happier relationships. This also applies to divorcing couples, particularly when children are involved, as there is usually an on-going relationship with the other parent for a very long time. My approach is to share better ways of communicating and give tools that support both self-awareness and connection so that clients continue to grow their capacity for intimacy and develop their relationship skills beyond the consulting room.
A qualified counsellor, coach and facilitator, I trained in Sydney, Australia, and in the UK. I am a member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, and the BACP’s Coaching division. I’m trained in Harville Hendrix’ Imago Therapy model and I regularly attend workshops in Germany with Dr David Schnarch, learning his Crucible approach for couples.
My personal story includes a 20-year marriage with two daughters. I loved family life, but the relationship was difficult. We sought help but lacking the self-awareness and skills to stay married, we divorced. The upside was that we did manage the process of separating well, and 15 years later, my ex and I continue to have a supportive relationship. We were able process the loss, reflect and learn from our history, be collaborative parents. Both of us found new love and remarried. This process of separation and creating new lives inspired me to train as a counsellor, with a particular interest in relationships.
“In her compassionate way, Lilliana taught us that there is a new way of relating to each other. She gave us some core principles and crucially, she helped us see that one of the most pressing questions (should we stay together) could be answered at a later date while we just focussed on living, and that in doing so, we had the opportunity to learn about ourselves whether we stayed together or not. It sounds simple but it was a most refreshing insight and felt like freedom.”
“We have found that love can endure, but no one ever said it would be easy. But it can be a lot more manageable under Lilliana’s gently humorous and most practical and wise leadership. “
“We knew the relationship was over, but it was so important to have solid yet gentle guidance through the process of dividing our lives, managing ourselves well, and attending well to our children. Lilliana provided the right balance of support, information, challenge and encouragement to create a workable, compassionate new relationship as divorced parents”
"For me, the most important lesson was to truly take responsibility for my own actions. Easier said than done but she kept encouraging us and reminding us that it would get easier with practice."