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“Holidays aren’t about where your child is, they’re about how they feel while they’re there.”

When you separate or divorce, holidays can become a minefield. Christmas, birthdays, half-terms  all of them once full of excitement  can now come with stress, guilt, and scheduling chaos.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

With some forward planning, honest communication, and a shared focus on your child’s emotional well-being, you can still give them happy, peaceful memories even in two homes.

Why a Holiday Plan Is So Important

• Without a clear plan, holidays can lead to:
• Last-minute arguments Confused children
• Missed memories
• Emotional pressure on everyone

A child-focused holiday plan:

• Gives your child clarity and comfort
• Reduces tension between parents
• Helps you both plan ahead and enjoy the time you do have

1. Agree on a Fair, Flexible Holiday Schedule

There’s no one-size-fits-all, but here are three popular co-parenting holiday patterns in the UK:

Alternate Years

Each parent gets key holidays every other year.Example:

• Parent A has Christmas and New Year this year
• Parent B gets them next year Simple. Clear. Balanced.

Split the Day

Ideal if you live near each other and your child handles transitions well:

• Morning with one parent
• Afternoon/evening with the other

This can work well for Christmas, birthdays, or Eid, as long as everyone stays respectful.

Celebrate Twice

For some holidays (like birthdays), each parent celebrates separately.

This avoids stress and helps your child feel celebrated in both homes.

Tip: Don’t overdo it — the goal is joy, not competition.

2. Focus on What Your Child Needs - Not What You Miss

Even if you’re hurting, resist the urge to make the holiday about what you’ve lost.

• What helps kids most: A predictable plan they can count on
• Knowing both parents want them to enjoy themselves
• No guilt about where they spend their time

“I want you to have fun  and I’ll see you soon!” goes a lot further than “I wish you were with me instead.”

3. Be Civil - Or Keep Your Distance

If you and your ex get along? Great, co-celebrating or attending the same events can be lovely. But if tension still lingers, it’s okay to keep celebrations separate.

Do this instead:

• Exchange gifts beforehand
• Let your child FaceTime the other parent during the day
• Stay upbeat about the other home’s plans

This helps your child feel loved and free of divided loyalty.

4. Plan the Practical Stuff Early

Avoid holiday stress by locking in the basics in advance:

• Who’s doing pick-up/drop-off
• Exact times and locations
• Travel details (especially for long distances)

If things change  as they sometimes do  try to offer flexibility with notice. Last-minute surprises often cause more tension than the actual change.

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5. Use Tools to Stay on Track

Even if you're not on great terms, tools can help you stay organised without constant contact.

Try:

• OurFamilyWizard - Shared calendar & message board
• Talking Parents - Secure, time-stamped communication

These apps keep everything in writing - clear, calm, and neutral.

Final Thoughts: Holidays Can Still Be Magical

Divorce changes many things, but it doesn’t have to steal the magic from holidays.

By planning ahead, focusing on your child, and keeping communication calm and clear, you can turn holidays from battlegrounds into beautiful new traditions.

Even if things aren’t perfect, your child will remember how loved and secure they felt. That’s the greatest gift of all.

Related UK Parenting Resources

• CAFCASS: Parenting Plan Guide (UK) NHS:
• Gingerbread: Support for Single Parents in the UK

Disclaimer: This blog post is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice or treatment. The author and publisher do not guarantee the accuracy or completeness of the information and are not liable for any damages resulting from its use. Please consult a qualified professional for advice specific to your situation.
PHOTO CREDIT: IVAN SAMKOV

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