When a marriage finally ends in divorce, often the sexual side had died a long time before. We may have been entirely disconnected from our sexual selves for years. As we travel through the divorce process, thoughts of finding a new sexual partner may be the last thing (or the first thing!) on our minds. At whatever point we do feel ready to imagine moving on in the bedroom, it’s common to be struck with worries and inhibitions. This can make a new adventure which should be filled with excitement and anticipation, feel full of fear instead.
What if I’ve forgotten how to do it?
What if I never knew in the first place?
How can I get naked with someone new?
How can I tell someone what I like... if I even know that myself?
How can I make sure bedroom history doesn’t repeat itself?
How can I make sure I actually enjoy it all?
I’m Ruth, sex and intimacy life coach, and these are questions which I hear frequently. Through coaching I can help you get in touch with who you are erotically, underneath the conditioning of upbringing, culture, and the experiences of your former relationship(s).
How would it feel to be confident about what you want and need in bed, and how to ask for it?
To look forward to a joyful, playful, empowered erotic future?
To be aware of your right to pleasure - and the good it can do in your life, physically, mentally and spiritually?
To model a healthy, informed and empowered approach to intimacy to your children?
These are all parts of the journey you may take with me. Coaching is a conversational process – there is no removal of clothes and no practical exercises during coaching sessions. I apply life coaching models and processes to help you safely explore your inner erotic world. I hold a diploma in transformational coaching accredited by the International Coaching Federation, and have a 20-year history in the erotic sphere. This includes being an award-winning campaigner for the erotic rights of people with disabilities, striptease artist and teacher, writer and activist.
My experience includes the worlds of kink and alternative relationship structures. Clients tell me they value my ‘unshockabilty’ and knowledge that I will never judge or shame them. For many people, discussing this area of life is new! I offer free half-hour calls so you can see how it feels to talk about this topic, how we may be able to work together, and crucially, whether coaching is the right step for you right now: https://calendly.com/ruthramsay
"After a 20-year marriage that ended in divorce, I felt terrified about all aspects of getting into a new relationship, with sex being top of the list. Past anxieties, judgements and self-criticism had come up, as well as the fear of not being 'good enough', experienced or confident enough. Opening up about sex was way out of my comfort zone, but as I spoke to Ruth, I could feel myself growing in confidence. She was unphased by anything I said, and I spilled out a huge bundle of tangled thoughts and she was able to find the thread quickly. To be listened to so deeply was a gift. I had felt as if sex and eroticism were no longer for me, but now I know there really is sex-life after divorce, and sex is there in abundance to be explored, enjoyed and anticipated with pleasure, not trepidation." Rachel, 50
"I'd started to experience a crisis of confidence in my sexual identity and attractiveness since reaching my forties. Ruth had a natural ability to put me at ease and I found myself confiding in her about things I'd never told anyone. After years of putting my needs after that of my ex’s and always having felt fearful of being 'slut shamed' for my sexual desires, it was a deeply liberating experience to be able to be honest and frank. Since working with Ruth, I feel sexier, full of self-acceptance and I'm opening up to experiences I'd always fantasied about but hadn't had the confidence to voice. I'm loving the new 'me'.” Helen, 42
“I had an epiphany I had lost touch with what I really wanted in bed and had been going along with a generic idea of what sex should look like. On top of that, as I reached menopause, I had a nagging belief that my best sexual experiences might soon be behind me. Working with Ruth allowed me to reconnect with what I really want in bed - which looks very different than I thought it would - and challenged some limiting beliefs that I hadn't even been aware I was carrying. I now feel like I know what I want and how to ask for it, and best of all, am really looking forward to what my mature years bring me sexually - my most exciting times might yet be still to come! – Siobhan, 49