Should You Keep Your Ex’s Surname?

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Following divorce, a lot of women consider changing their surname back to their maiden name, particularly if the divorce has been acrimonious.

It can feel like a necessary last step to effect the clean break and move on. People do, however, sometimes regret changing their surname so quickly.

First of all, of course, there is a lot of admin involved with ensuring that everything is altered, including driving licences, passports, bills and bank and credit card accounts.

Secondly, one of the most significant consequences of changing your surname is that, if you have children, you will no longer have the same surname as them.

This is because, unless your ex-husband agrees, it is not possible to change the surnames of the children because the consent of everyone with parental responsibility or a court order is required.

It is possible to make an application to the court, but a change of surname is regarded as a very serious step, and certainly not something that is done routinely.

Even if children initially want a change of surname, the court may well feel it is not in their best interests to do so. If a mother changes her name then the children can be confused as to why she no longer has the same surname as them.

Further, it can cause practical difficulties where a club or organisation does not know the mother’s surname and is unable, for example, to tie up cheque payments with the particular child.

Even though it is very common for children not to have the same surname as their mother, e.g. if parents are unmarried, a lot of people still automatically assume that they do.

Women who have changed their surname can therefore find that they are still reminded of who they used to be, e.g. when attending parents’ evenings, with some people being too embarrassed to mention that the teacher has called them the wrong name and others playing along and then feeling awkward when it comes to signing the form in a different name to the one that the teacher has used for the last 20 minutes!

My advice would be not to rush into a name change and to see how you feel a year down the line.

If you have met someone else and there may be the possibility of marriage and a further name change, why pay to change things like driving licences and passports twice in a short period?

If you do still want to change your name then it may be worth broaching with your ex giving the children an additional surname, so that people make the link and, in my experience, people are more likely to agree to this when the dust has settled, so to speak.

Written by Kirstie Law Solicitor, Collaborative Lawyer and Mediator at Thomson Snell & Passmore. www.ts-p.co.uk

PHOTO CREDIT: THOMAS HAWK

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