Agreeing Living Arrangements For the Children

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More than one third of children will see their parents split up before their sixteenth birthday. If you are worried about how to make the best arrangements for your children, you are not alone. When a relationship has broken down, very understandably, trust between parents can be thin. It can then be hard to take stock, communicate or find a suitable way forward. Here are some key points to help keep you on track…

What does the law say about arrangements for children?

There are no fixed rules saying which parent children should live with or how much time they should spend with each parent, when their parents separate.

Judges who are asked to make decisions about children’s living arrangements and the time they spend with each parent have very wide discretion to make decisions, which means it can be difficult to predict with accuracy exactly what a court will decide.

A key legal principle, however, is that it is usually considered to be in the child’s best interests to spend time with both parents.

Recent changes in the legal terminology reflect the fact that family courts wish to promote the role of both parents in a child’s life, without appearing to give one parent a more important position than the other.

So the old language of ‘residence orders’ and ‘contact orders’ has been replaced with ‘child arrangements orders’. Gone is the idea that one parent has residence, whilst the other has ‘contact’, which could suggest that one parent is more important in the child’s life.

Where a parent applies to the court for a child arrangements order, the judge will still expect parents to try to reach agreement, rather than the court making a decision. That is because agreements that are reached between parents are more likely to work in practice, than decisions imposed by a judge.

How can I reach agreement with my ex without going through court?

There are various ways of discussing arrangements and reaching a solution, including family mediation, collaborative law and negotiations through solicitors. When choosing the best option for you think about how you would like to be able to communicate long term.

Round the table processes like family mediation and collaborative law, where you talk face to face with professional support, lay the foundations for better communication and problem solving in the future.

Remember that arrangements for children will very likely need to change as your children grow older and your family’s circumstances change. Being able to communicate effectively will help you all to work through any changes to arrangements without having to involve lawyers each time.

I’m worried about how my child is coping – what should I do?

Research has shown that children can cope with parental separation if their parents observe some key points including

Communicate well together as parents about things that affect your children
Support your child spending time with their other parent e.g. by speaking positively about the other parent, and showing that you are comfortable with them spending time together
Don’t criticise or badmouth the other parent in front of your child. Ongoing conflict between parents is known to be harmful for children. It affects them at school and can lead to personal and relationship difficulties well into their adult lives.

When should I see a lawyer?

In some cases it is not possible to work out suitable arrangements between yourselves, or there may be more complex legal issues to consider.

In the following situations you should see a specialist family lawyer - If you or your ex are considering moving abroad or a significant distance away from where you currently live - Where social services have been involved with your family recently. If it’s not been possible so far to make any arrangements at all to spend time with your children.

Visit www.davidgray.co.uk for further information

PHOTO CREDIT: PAIGE CODY

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